Last week, at work, I almost got blown up by a bomb. Except it wasn’t a bomb; it was a cardboard box. Plus it didn’t explode, so I didn’t get blown up. I’d call that a successful day; which I guess means that my most successful day last week was the day that I didn’t get blown up by the bomb that was just a cardboard box. Maybe I should rethink my life choices…. okay, wait, let me start over from the beginning.
I work at a heliport that flies people to oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico. One day last week I was answering phones, dispatching flights, and assisting passengers (the usual stuff). When my co-worker, Doryon, said to Missy (another co-worker) and I, “Hey, did you guys know that there’s a random cardboard box hanging out in the parking lot?” Which was something that we did not, in fact, know. Missy and I both went to the window and looked out. Sure enough there it was. A lonely little cardboard box sitting in the parking lot right outside the security gate. No one was around the box; it was just all by itself. It was a medium sized box. (I’m judging the size to be medium because it wasn’t a small box, but it wasn’t really a large box either.) Being the proactive worker that I am, I decided to check it out. I walked outside and cautiously approached the box. I pushed on it gently with my foot. It felt very light, like it was empty. I listened carefully, but I didn’t hear any ticking. Then I noticed a thin strip of paper attached across the top of the box. The paper was a baggage tag that prints out of our automated check-ins. I picked up the box, and started to carry it toward the building. Missy opened the back door, and fussed at me. “Tonya, don’t pick up that box! It could be a bomb.” I informed her that the box had one of our baggage tags on it.
“That doesn’t matter,” she said, “someone could have found that tag just lying around, and then put it on a box with a bomb inside. You could get blown up!!”Although I appreciated her concern I decided to answer her with humor, because then at least if I did get blown up the last thing I said would have been funny. My co-workers would go to my funeral, and they could say, “She always had a good sense of humor, even right to the end.” So I told Missy, “Well if I get blown up then you can blame this customer who left his bag tag lying around for someone with a cardboard box and a bomb to find it.” At that moment Doryon announced over the intercom that I had a phone call on line one. I told Missy, “Tell line one I can’t come to the phone because I’m busy getting blown up by a bomb. It would be worth it to get blown up just so that you could say that to the customers; ‘Sorry, Tonya can’t come to the phone right now. She just got blown up by a bomb and is in pieces in the parking lot. I’ll have her return your call once she pulls herself together.'” Missy didn’t find this statement as funny as I did. Then Velina saw us, me still holding onto the possible bomb-box. She said, “Oh, that’s Mr. [passenger’s name that I don’t remember]’s box. We gave it to him this morning to put his hard hat in.”
Moral of the story: well, I don’t know if there really is a moral to this story, but if you’re me, then you almost get blown up by box-bombs that turn out to be hard hats.
Which means that last week I successfully did NOT get blown up by an exploding hard hat. I should get a cake for that. It could say, “Congratulations on not getting blown into tiny pieces by a hard hat bomb!”